You Don’t Have to Earn Your Rest

Part of that can be learning to reframe how we think about rest. Instead of, “I should finish the laundry before I sit down,” we might pause and ask, “What does my body need from me right now?” It does not mean the laundry does not matter. It simply reminds us that rest does not have to be something we earn. Of course, knowing this and actually believing it are two very different things.

Rest is not necessarily taking something away from our lives. Sometimes, rest is what allows us to participate in them.

It might mean resting before meeting a friend so you actually have the energy to enjoy the evening. It might mean leaving the concert a little earlier. It might mean changing your plans instead of cancelling them altogether. It might mean recognizing that today is not the day for the long hike, and that is okay.

Listening to your body does not mean you cannot do the things you enjoy. It means learning to notice what your body is telling you and finding ways to work alongside it rather than constantly fighting against it.

Your life does not become smaller simply because you need to move through it differently.

Sometimes, taking a pause is not stepping away from your life. It is making room to be present for it.

And maybe rest was never something you had to earn in the first place.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence,

it is self-preservation. Overextending myself

is not stretching myself.”

-- Audre Lorde, A Burst of Light (1988)

Although this experience can feel especially complicated when living with chronic illness, the idea that we have to earn our rest is something many of us can relate to. You do not have to live with a chronic illness to feel guilty for sitting down, taking a break, or doing something for yourself when there is still more on your to-do list. Perhaps chronic illness simply makes some of these questions more visible.

For many of us, rest can come with guilt. When you live with chronic illness, that relationship with rest can become even more complicated. Your energy, focus, pain, or symptoms can change from one day, or even one hour, to the next. You might make dinner plans one day and have to cancel the next because you simply do not have the bandwidth to get off the couch. You might spend a few hours at the zoo, have a great time, and then find yourself completely out of energy the next day.

And that can be frustrating.

It can feel like you are constantly negotiating with your body. There may be days when you have the energy to tackle the everyday tasks, go for a long walk, or meet your friends for dinner. Then there are days when your plans need to change. It can be tempting to think, “I may as well make the most of today,” and push through because you do not know what tomorrow will look like.

But this is where I think we can begin to confuse capacity with character. How much you are able to do on a particular day does not determine how hard you have worked, how motivated you are, or how much you care.

Living with chronic illness can mean learning to be adaptable. The rules can change from day to day, and sometimes we have to change with them.

Have you ever given yourself permission to sit down and rest, only to immediately start thinking about everything you should be doing instead? Maybe there are two loads of laundry waiting, the dishes need to be put away, or there is one last email you could send. You haven’t accomplished enough to deserve that break, that cup of coffee, or that time to yourself.

“What if you didn’t have to earn your rest?” can feel like such a foreign concept in a world where we are constantly on the go.

About Anastasia Bukal

Anxiety · Burnout · Chronic & Autoimmune Illness · Life Transitions · Grief · Stress · Self-Esteem · Neurodivergence · Relationships

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Anastasia Bukal is a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC) who offers a calm, grounded space for reflection, clarity, and meaningful change. Her approach is integrative and thoughtfully tailored to each person’s needs, pace, and lived experience.

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